April, 17th, 2025

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accidentally deleted my blog... WOOPS!!! I went to a show recently though and it was super funz... I love coming home after being in the mosh pit and feeling sore and covered in bruises. It makes me feel so real, I think It's also the reason why I love skating so much!! despite being bad at it, it makes me feel so accomplished. Feeling the strain and aches that skating and moshing have on my body remind me how real I really am. That I'm not just stuck in some weird Truman show ordeal or dreaming while buried somewhere deep in the ground while slowly suffocating. It really resets my brain and makes me feel so much better! Im still anxious when on the board around others and I'm super awkward when I remember that the people at shows are people I'll maybe see agian because they live in my city, but Im also alot better at getting over it :J I used to isolate myself so bad, but lately I've been trying to force myself to be more "loud" and more outgoing, Im not very good at it, and it makes me feel SICK to my stomache but It's been helping; Lately I've been able to invision a happy future for myself for longer than 5 minutes, and that time is just getting longer I'm VERY sure I'll have a really depressive episode, as I usually do, but I think ill be able to handle it better than I usually do. YAY!!! :D